January cooked me!

Mpha

It has quietly become my tradition to begin the new year in February. January is my draft; the first week of February, a free trial. So yes, my year only started this past week.

On New Year’s Eve (the regular one), Prisca invited me to her church for a crossover service. Of course, where Prisca and I are, Annie is never far. So, we thanked God, praised Him, and prayed for His guidance over the new year.

When 1^st January came, I did not leave my house, let alone the house, I did not leave my room. For the first time in my life, I intentionally fasted, a dry one. Day and night. No water. No food. Just silence, worship, Scripture, whispers of prayers, and sleep in between. The room felt different that day—heavier, sacred, still. Trust me, I almost collapsed. This flesh was screaming for help while my spirit was somewhere else entirely, a beautiful place to be.

January arrived with unexpected turns. Disons que it was a crazy month—chaotic, unpredictable, stretching, yet somehow beautiful in its own way.

I finally received the promotion I had been waiting for over the past six months. I was entrusted with responsibilities to lead, to represent, to carry more. It came wrapped in excitement and fear, especially fear. Because it is no longer about how well I perform, how perfectly I execute; now it is about how my team performs. It is about people—their moods, their misunderstandings, their different speeds and styles. Human beings are layered. Sometimes fragile. Sometimes complicated. Everyone thinks differently. Everyone responds differently. So, I must navigate through all that. I have a lot to learn—especially how to be a leader. Not just any leader, but a good one.

When all this came, I freaked out; I know myself, I first panic until I make things work, perfectly.

And it did not stop at work. In my fellowship community (SGM), God called me to serve as a shepherd too. And I said, “Yes, Lord.”

Honestly, it felt like a lot to carry. And of course I did not handle some of my assignments the way I should have, because I was still trying to understand how to navigate the chaos I was in. It still feels like a lot. And my current concern? How not to lose weight in the process, lol. And how to balance work, school, and life without dissolving into all three. How do I create time out of my time to attend to everything that needs me!

And yet, here is the paradox: I am beautifully exhausted. It sounds funny, doesn’t it? But it is true. I am tired in a way that feels productive. Stretched in a way that feels transformative. On the surface, it may look anyhow, but beneath it, something solid is forming.

Rerooo, there are things our elders used to say whenever we questioned them, and they would respond, “You’ll understand when you grow up.” I thought they were exaggerating. Dramatizing life. Until I got here.

Recently, I was sitting in my living room watching Bridgerton. It was way past midnight. I had a big bucket (a box, lol) of chocolate ripple ice cream in my hands. And then I paused.

Who does this at an ungodly hour?😁

I looked around and realized I live alone in my ka house. Every single thing in it, I bought myself.  The couch. The curtains. The rug. The little table in the corner. The baskets on the wall. I bought every single thing. Every fork in the kitchen drawer. Every plate. Every pillowcase. And because of my trust issues, I never hire anyone to do anything for me,  so I clean my house myself, go to the market myself, cook for myself. Except laundry, where God blessed me with Maman Mugisha. I pay rent. I pay utilities. I handle it all. There was a time, years ago, when I could not afford Fanta ya Frw 300 when I craved it.

On top of that, I have a family that depends on me in certain ways. I have friendships to nurture. A social life to maintain. Expectations to meet. For the past eight months especially, I have begun to understand the weight behind those words: You’ll understand when you grow up. They were not lying. It was simply a matter of time.

January confronted me with situations that reminded me I am no longer 12. Not even 20. But despite the highs, the lows, and the confusing in-betweens of adulthood, I love it here. It is beautiful. And I am deeply grateful for this life.

-       Flee

-       "So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall.” (1 Corinthians 10:12)

These are main things I learned this year so far.

January tried me. January tempted me. January looked me straight in the eyes and said, “Watch out, young lady!” And that is when I realized something deeper: it is no longer about how I am hurt when I mess up, it is about how God’s heart is affected. Before becoming a Christian, I believed you did not need to be a Christian to be a good or decent person. My religion was love, kindness, humanity. And yes, those are beautiful things.

But you do not truly know love until you know God, because God is love. (1 John 4:8,16)

You do not fully know kindness. You do not fully know humanity. You do not fully know anything until you know God and are guided by the Holy Spirit. (John 14:26; John 16:13; 1 Corinthians 2:12).

Otherwise, we are simply creatures of emotions and feelings, reacting as we please. But God knows what He expects from us. That is why He sent us the Holy Spirit to guide us into truth, into the right way of doing things. January reminded me that I am not my own to act however I please.

1 Corinthians 10:13.

That same month, I spent a lot of money. A lot. On what exactly? I can recall a few things, and I am very sure no one stole it. I ran errands after errands. I stretched my hand to people a bit too far, lol. But then again January was a draft, right?

January was heavy in every corner, but especially mentally and physically. So heavy that I have not fully recovered. I still carry the exhaustion in my shoulders; it sits there, painfully. Nukuri ndananiwe, hahaha. And I do not function well when I am this exhausted. But I keep pushing. The one thing I am making sure of? Eating. I cannot afford to lose weight again. No. Not that.

What I long for now is to be away from this city. I miss Musanze like crazy. I miss being near water—embracing the waves, letting them gather my scattered thoughts and carry them away. I need quiet moments with myself because it has been loud out here.

I miss waking up naturally, instead of to an alarm. I miss having unhurried time for my people. I miss wandering through the city and discovering beautiful cafés. I miss reading the books that have been collecting dust on my shelf. I miss watching a movie late into the night without guilt, instead of sending overdue files at 2 a.m. I crave learning new recipes, now that I have been enjoying this art of cooking.

That’s what I need. Rest. A life. A soft and slow life.

But dearest gentle reader, do you know what God knows? That I can do everything He has called me to do this year. He knows what He has placed inside me. He knows the capacity I doubt. He knows the strength I forget. And that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

So, if you found yourself in this piece, please—do not lose yourself trying to save everything and everyone else. Breathe. Rest when you can.

Decorated my hiding place with Annie. My type of breathing!🤎

Welcome to the year of “Transformation”, if your church is CLA. Welcome to the year of “Ikamba n’ubwiza”, if you are a Soul Gardner (SGM). Or both, Like me!

**2026**

A little bachata dance as I closed my year.💃